Weight

I know I'm only 2.5 weeks postpartum, so I shouldn't really be worried about this. But, I am, so get over it! I had lost a good deal of weight before I got pregnant with Ky. I wasn't trying to, just couldn't afford food, so it happened. I wasn't happy or unhappy about the loss, it just was. So I gained 40 lbs when I got pregnant with Ky. After giving birth I lost 20lbs of that. That's the lightest I've been since then. Now, you must know that I love having a butt, and some thighs. I don't want to be super thin, but I also don't want to be considered overweight. I want to be in a a healthy, "normal" (according to BMI) weight range. I gained more weight after starting back on birth control after having Ky, lost 10 lbs on weight watchers, gained it all back and had just started losing weight without any diet (thank goodness!) when I got pregnant again. I was doing well with the weight gain in the beginning of my pregnancy. My goal was to stay down on the lower end of the normal weight gain range. Well that didn't happen. I gained 34 lbs, which is NOT bad, don't get me wrong, but it was more than I wanted to considering I still had some to lose in the beginning.

So I gave birth and thus far have lost 24 of the 34 lbs. 10 to go. BUT my first weight at the midwives was 4 lbs above the weight I really was-hence why I "lost" 3 lbs by my second visit and didn't ever have morning sickness. I didn't lose anything, I just gained 1 lb, but for some reason weighed more at my first appointment. My point of all this nonsense is that I have 14 lbs to lose to get to my pre-Kamaya pregnancy weight...21 to lose to get to my first goal weight and 26 to lose to get to my "if I can get a few more lbs off, I'd like to, but if not I'll settle with this weight" goal weight. That's a freakin lot to me!

On top of the weight thing...Ky gave me 4 little tiny stretchmarks below my underwear line..and not til 35 weeks, so no biggie. Kamaya on the other hand was a bigger baby and gave me lost of them on either side of my belly button. I also put most of my weight from fat on my thighs and have stretchmarks on both the inside and outside of my thighs. I was always a bikini-wearer, even after having Ky and being heavier than I wanted. But now, I think my bikini days are over, and that's sad. I feel gross and disgusting :(. Losing weight has always been difficult for me.

I did weight watchers and lost 10 lbs...but I HATED it. I felt starved all the time. ALL THE TIME! I've worked at changing my eating habits overall, which has been difficult, but I've managed to adapt my diet while incorporating some of what I've learned from WW-lower fat, high fiber. I'm a fiber eating fool and it doesn't fill me up! So I started a walk-to-run program last summer. I hated it, but stuck with it for 7 weeks. I went from struggling with jogging 4 minutes to jogging 25 minutes without stopping. I would also fit a 30 minute bike ride in there some days too. I felt better, but my goal was to see a change on the scales. I also did some weight training in there. I weighed myself in similar clothes, the same time of day on the same scale and I didn't lose an ounce. So of course I got everyone saying "well muscle mass weighs more than fat"...so you're telling me that I put on exactly the same amount of muscle that I lost in fat? I stayed the same EXACT number for 7 weeks. Come on! Don't make excuses for the scale not changing, I just wasn't losing weight at all!

So then late last summer I tried WW again. I stuck with it and did well...again with ZERO change on the scale. So when I quit worrying about it and accepted the fact that my body just doesn't lose weight unless I starve myself (like I involuntarily did before getting preg with Ky) I lost weight. Granted it came off slowly, but it came off.

Now I'm so ready to get on the treadmill. Vic's brother gave us a treadmill last weekend and it's been calling my name. I HAVE to get back to running. And I have to make myself do it 5 times a week. My appetite has fortunately decreased significantly since pushing out Kami, so if it can stay like this and I can work out, I should be good to go. Let's just hope that I don't gain or hinder loss when I start back on birth control. What's more important to me-weight loss or short, pain-free periods? They're both important, so hopefully I can have both!!! I'm waiting to work out until I get the OK for it. Fortunately my stomach is nearly flat again, but I've got to get rid of two of my thighs (cuz I look like I have 4 haha), my love handles and some arm fat. Ahhh I'm done now...wish me luck.